Coming Out and Beyond...

Coming Out
I would like to "Come Out" as a Heterosexual male today. I have been listening to my local sport's radio and there is some news swirling about athletes "In the Closet" and potentially "Coming Out" or being "Outed." I am disappointed that there is pressure for them to even have to come out and in conjunction with the understandable need to stay in. I have never been asked about my sexuality and I suppose it's always been assumed...but WHO CARES?! Why does it, should it or even have to matter? So for all my fellow brother's and sisters, I stand with you "Outed!"

Homosexuality
Let me ask you a question? When you’re in that fox hole in whatever God-forsaken war we’re in that day I’m guessing you don’t care who the guy next to you dates, kisses, marries or whether he or she even has health insurance or which political party they chose to align. I can pretty much guess the only thing you care about is getting the hell out of there and bringing your fellow brothers and sisters home. When your kid breaks his leg in three places, your dad has a coronary or you just got capped in a drive-bye, I’m not so sure the doctor on the other end gives two sh*ts about who you date, kiss or marry either...maybe they should take a moment while your bleeding all over them to ask the stupid question as to whether you are gay or hetero and how you chose to live your life like you magically have control over your feelings. Maybe they should just waste those few extra moments between life and death to debate with you the morality of marriage, fidelity, politics or some other bull-sh*t issue that only you care about you self-fish, self-serving, egotistical, moralist who can’t tell the difference between your own f’d up issues and humanity, because you’re too concerned about how you will be affected. How your rights have been compromised and what your supposed to say to your kids. Oh and by the way, the guy in the war over there who just got shot down and is anxiously awaiting the dude who loves his boyfriend more than your sorry as* to save him, is fighting for the very freedom you want to deny your own people. Ok, well since you think they should all just be on an island anyway why don’t we just save you the trouble and ship you all off to the middle of the Pacific or to some other war you’d rather not be saved from...you can all live exactly the way you’d like and leave the rest of us all the "F" alone! Don’t bother sending a postcard. 

Gun Control

So let's go the other way on this…
Let's pretend there is just cause to keep the gun laws the way they are and make it more encouraging to go packing. After all, there are are plenty of rapists, thieves, pedofiles and crazy people alike we need to defend against. And hey, if he's got one, why shouldn't I? I mean the law says I can, and I mean seriously, who brings a knife to a gun fight? Ridiculous. If someone breaks into my house and tries to hurt my family I want to have that Glock 17 to show him who's boss! If some lunatic walks the halls of my kid's school with his AK-47 he better damn well hope his magazine has 50 rounds, cause mine's gonna have 51! I see no reason on God's great earth while my unalienable right to bare arms should ever be compromised so that I can't just load up and go to the gun range, hunt at will and again most importantly defend myself from anyone and everyone who thinks they're gonna mess with me. I'm gonna have my piece with me 24-7: grocery shopping, at the ball game, under my pillow and especially in the shower. This is serious biz. The days of living in a neighborhood where you can walk down the street are over! I'm sleeping with both eyes closed, but a pistol in each hand…and my wife next to me…she picked one up this afternoon at the drive-through lane with a burger on the side. However, I can't forget that in "My New World" the guy who used to just rob me with two forks and a kitchen knife get's to buy his 35-shooter-of-choice and got the latest and greatest double- barrel-Uzi-automatic riding up his back, (they make them now) and it's not only easy and universally acceptable…they have coupons too! $ 10 buys you $100 worth of ammo. You aren't a cool kid unless you "Gots yourself a piece." And hey, why should I have all the fun? And the crazy guy who my 51 magazine shooter was gonna take out while all the teachers who where packing (as well) had my back, decided to bring two, 250 magazine super-mini pistols (cause they make them now too). Oh, I must be ridiculous…they don't make them or ever would…who am I kidding? I almost forgot…the AR-15 assault rifle was made for every day use. I meant to buy one for my grandmother for the holiday's, but Big-Box store was sold out of them…I knew that strange guy at the market had the beat on me, just like he did on that cabbage patch my parents tried to get me as a kid…I gut stuck with a .38 special, 6-shooter and I at minimum wanted a .357 Magnum…but hey, at least I have a gun! I feel safe now. Really. I have a gun! My best friend has one, my mom has one, even the teenager who dips my ice cream has one too! We still decided to keep the drinking age to 21, but now a 16-year-old can grab two colas, some chips and that Saturday-night special for their movie night out. Hey, you gotta defend yourself. And, I'm sleeping really well at night too, knowing I can pop up early in the morning, go shoot some breakfast, do some target practice at the range, cause I better be prepared for that new gal next door…word is she just got a .45 for Xmas and I'll be damned if she's a better shot then I am.